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April 2017

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Green Eggs and Wasteland


(With apologies to
Thomas Stearns and Theodore Geisel
Whose skulls we have made our soccer balls)

C.S.E. Cooney, Julia Rios, Erik Amundsen, Moss Collum, Kate Eburg, April Grant, Theresa Gerbig, Sita Aluna and the Hypothetical Ninth Arctic Explorer

Dedicated to Sita Aluna, la madre migliore, on the occasion of her 59th birthday


J’ai vu, J’ai vu, la petite fille, La Cindy Loo.
J’ai demandé à l’enfant, “Pourquoi tu n’as pas le Grinch meurtris?” et la Cindy Loo m’a dit,
“Non Vult Gladii.”

1.) The Disturbing of the Grave

April is the cruelest month
Breeding, mixing, stirring, fixing
Lilacs, memory, roots, desire
Eggs, ham, water, fire
Burning, burning, burning, burning!

Would you eat them, Sam I am?
Would you eat green eggs and ham?*

Would you eat them on a bender?
The awful daring of a moment’s surrender?

Would you, could you for the plan?
Would you, with the extra man?

Wo weilest du, mein Cindy Loo Who?

Wo weilest du, mein sweet Colleen?
Wouldst thou eat eggs and ham what’s green?

2.) The Jug Sermon

Would you eat them with her departed lover?
Would you eat them and be glad it’s over?

Wash them down with milk from wrinkled dugs?
Wash them down, jug jug jug jug jug jug…?

Would you eat them in rat’s alley?
Hurry up please, it’s time, don’t dally?**

Would you eat them in the mountains?
With no water or no fountains?

Would you eat them in the Unreal City?
Would you, could you out of pity?

3.) What the Footnote Said

Would you eat at Margate Sands?
My feet at Moorgate, with dirty hands?

Weiallala Leia Leia Loo –
Oh just eat them, try them do!

Twit twit twit twit twit twit twoooooo
Jug jug jug jug JUG-TEREU!

Goonight Bill, Goonight Sue!
Goonight Moon and Cindy Loo Who!

All the King’s horses and all the King’s Men
Couldn’t put Humpty together again***

The thunder says TA-DA! ****


* In Margaret Murray’s seminal work The Witch Cult in Western Europe, “Sam” appears repeatedly as a sacrificial harvest figure or Year King in upper Rhineland groat and barley festivals. The Homeric epithet Sam-I-Am is closely paralleled by the “I AM” of the burning bush (Exodus 27:16; take exit V2.03 – bear left on off ramp). Mrs. Murray’s work on the Christian love feast’s descent from sacrificial pig slaughter continuing to the present day in Slobovia is worth reading even for those who don’t like ekphrasis, because it’s a damn good read and just the thing to cheer you up when you’ve been resting in the country so freaking long that the overhead fire alarm is starting to initiate conversations with you. (April Grant, Bachelor)

** cf. Dan Wilson (Semisonic). (Erik Amundsen, Production Operator)

*** The final lines of Christopher Marlowe’s celebrated nursery rhyme Humpty Dumpty. This is especially pertinent because of the thematically appropriate Egg Motif. (Julia Rios, Provocateur)

**** “Uberrashung!” which surpasseth all understanding. (Moss Collum, Provocateuse)

(Loose translation of the Epigraph; for something more accurate, see Babelfish)
“Zee is the zither he left to the Maid.”


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“Sam” appears repeatedly as a sacrificial harvest figure or Year King in upper Rhineland groat and barley festivals. The Homeric epithet Sam-I-Am is closely paralleled by the “I AM” of the burning bush

I guess it's as good a time as any to start teaching Julian about comparative mythology. I mean, he already likes Dr. Seuss. We're HALFWAY THERE.
We need to translate the Golden Bough into couplets.
The room agrees that you have won the special comments prize.
Where shall I sent the internets, the world, and my heart? For you have won them all.
We will keep you in a jar
With the feathers and the tar
We will keep you in a jar
You will ne'er go very far


"Do I dare to eat a peach?"

T.S., Eliot!

couldn't resist

"Do I dare to eat a peach?
Dare I, care I, in a ditch?"

(Claire, you are to blame for this)
Out of all whooping.

This is very awesome!!!
I got as far as the exit ramp before having to stop and giggle.
Gosh! Next time we'll try harder!
I still can't believe this is a thing we did.
It's no bad thing, this thing we did.
Excellent. An especially wonderful product of what surely must be one of the finer of the 365 days of Sita!
It lacked only YOU, my beauty!

green eggs and the waste land

User eegatland referenced to your post from green eggs and the waste land saying: [...] Why has no one done this before? , THIS IS FOR YOU http://csecooney.livejournal.com/361511.html [...]
thank you for that. I wish my comment was as clever as everybody else's!
Hey! You BLOGGED us! That's FANTASTIC! Thank YOU!
The footnotes win this :)
April had been bent over scribbling while the rest of us were rhyming madly and popped up with that beautiful first footnote, and it just went on from there.
This is amazing. (here via Julia's twitter.)
The thunder says TA-DA!

. . . Yay.

You were much in the conversation last night. We wanted you here to translate the Greek for us. And then translate the footnotes.

Edited at 2012-01-29 09:15 pm (UTC)
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